when the darkness comes
by lovecamedown
Summary: He's gone. He's gone, and Jesse doesn't know if he's ever coming back. / Quickwest fic, set immediately after 3x15. What comes next.


_obvs this fic has spoilers for 3x15 of the flash! title from "when the darkness comes" by Colbie Caillat._

* * *

First, Jesse sobs.

She sobs in to HR's shirt, not daring to pretend he's her dad – even though he looks the same, sounds the same, _smells_ the same – because that would make this hurt more.

She sobs, and sobs, and sobs, until there is nothing left inside her and all that remains are weak limbs and dried tear stains on her cheeks.

HR gently walks her through back in to the cortex, even though the idea of walking back in to a room full of people – albeit her friends – is enough to make her want to run in the other direction.

A brief scan of the room sees Joe sitting in the corner, a blank expression on his face, eyes wide, barely blinking. He's just staring at nothing, and Jesse hurts for him.  
Iris is standing behind him chewing on her nail, her other hand on Joe's shoulder, thumb smoothing back and forth. Her expression is similar to Joe's, but her forehead is wrinkled.

Caitlin comes out of the room Barry's in, and goes to sit beside Cisco who's in front of the computer, working on something, anything; probably trying to distract himself.

Jesse walks through to the little room by the cortex where there's a bed, and she perches on the edge, feeling everything all at once but somehow also feeling numb.

"Jesse," Caitlin says softly, approaching her with tentative footsteps, and Jesse doesn't have to look up at her to know that she's trying to hold back tears, too. "Jesse, I'm…I'm so sorry…,"

She doesn't know what to say. Just sniffs, nods, and looks down at her lap, bringing up a hand to wipe her cheek.

"If you need anything…," Caitlin starts, voice gentle and sympathetic.

Nodding again, Jesse glances up at her and tries for a smile, although she's pretty sure it comes out as more of a grimace. "Thank you." And her voice is barely even there after all that crying; it's hoarse and low and raspy. And a part of her wants to speak again, wants to speak to someone, _anyone_ , but she's not sure why and there aren't any words anyway.

After a while, Jesse begins to shake.

Joe comes over and looks like he tries to smile; but, just like Jesse, it doesn't really work.

"Jesse," he says softly, and his voice is so quiet and broken. "I just want you to know…whatever happens, you're important to us, always. We are your family. We're here for you. Alright?" he touches her shoulder, and Jesse feels another wave of tears come.

She reaches up to put her hand over his and looks up at him, nodding tearfully. "Thanks, Joe."

"I'm…gonna head home now, but I'll see you back at the house when you're ready."

"Thank you."

"It's no problem," and then, he notices that she's trembling, and a frown breaks out on to his face. "Are you cold?"

"No, I—yes, kind of? I don't know. I just feel…shivery."

"Okay, uh…HR, can you fetch Jesse a blanket?"

HR stands up from his seat across the room and heads towards the door straight away. "Of course, of course, I'll be right back."

Joe turns to Jesse a final time and squeezes her shoulder. "I'll see you at home."

"Yeah," Jesse says, although the word _home_ doesn't quite sound right. She doesn't have the headspace to think too much about why right now, though.

HR comes back a moment later with a big, dark blue blanket in his arms, and he drapes it over Jesse's shoulders. She grabs hold of the hems, glancing up at him gratefully, and wraps it further around herself, tucking her knees up to her chest and hugging them with her blanket-clad arms.

She wants to cry, but no tears come out.

What must be an hour later, Jesse has warmed up a little, and Iris has gone back in to the room Barry's in, still out-cold, still bandaged up at the shoulder.

"Are you hungry?" Cisco asks, holding out an energy bar. Jesse hadn't even heard him approach.

Jesse smiles softly. "Always." She accepts the bar and takes a bite, but it just feels like dust on her tongue. It's gone in seconds, though – turns out she was hungrier than she thought – and she reaches in to the cabinet by the bed to grab another.

"Jesse, if you want, you can go home. We'll call you when we know the plan." Caitlin says.

"Yeah," Cisco looks over at her, "you look exhausted. Maybe go home. Try to rest."

 _I can't_ , Jesse thinks, _home is trapped inside the Speed Force._

"Okay," she sighs anyway, pushing herself off the bed. "You'll call me straight away, though, right?"

"Of course," Caitlin nods, "It'll be a few hours at least, though. We won't know anything until Barry's shoulder heals. So…go home, get some rest."

"What about you guys?" She asks.

"Don't worry about us."

Jesse gives them a grateful, exhausted smile, throws the wrapper of her energy bar in the bin and then speeds off and out on to the street. Usually, she'd enjoy the feel of the wind in her hair and the world rushing past her in a blur, everything peaceful, just her and her speed.

But right now, running just feels _wrong_ without him.

Nothing feels peaceful.

* * *

Jesse barely even has to finish her sentence for Joe to know what she's asking.

"Joe…do you mind if I, uh…sleep…in Wally's—"

"Of course not," Joe says softly. "You go right ahead."

She smiles, grateful and relieved. "Thank you," and then, after a beat, "you're sure they'll call us as soon as there's any news about Barry?"

Joe nods and reaches out to squeeze Jesse's arm reassuringly. "They will, Jesse. You try and get some rest."

"Are…you gonna try and sleep?"

He laughs humourlessly, taking a sip of his coffee. "I don't know if there's any point in trying."

"That's understandable," Jesse says softly, "you…you've been through a lot today." _Both your sons have been in danger. One of them hurt badly in the shoulder; the other is…suffering a fate worse than death_. Just the thought has Jesse shuddering, tears stinging her eyes again.

She forces them away.

"So have you," he says. "We all have."

Nodding, Jesse squeezes Joe's arm in return. "Yeah. We have."

"Go, try and sleep. Unless you want anything else to eat?"

"I'm good. Thanks, Joe."

He smiles, but it's tired, and raises his mug at her briefly in acknowledgement.

"I'll see you whenever we hear anything." Jesse says, and walks up the stairs, only just hearing Joe's deflated "yeah" as she leaves the room.

Stepping in to Wally's room is harder than she expected.

It's so still in here. In a really strange way. Nothing has changed in the room itself: there are clothes strewn over the armchair in the corner, his blinds are only half open, and the duvet is pushed back from where he didn't make the bed this morning. Everything looks the same; like he will walk in any second, like everything _is_ still the same. Like he's going to come up behind her and wrap his arms around her waist and kiss her goodnight.

It smells like him in here.

But he's not coming back.

Jesse feels a new wave of tears come over her and she doesn't even bother changing properly in to her pyjamas. She just takes off her jeans and her shirt, and climbs in to bed; _crawls_ in to bed, really. It's both a comfort and a source of pain, being here without him.

One of his hoodies is sitting at the bottom of the mattress on the other side, and she reaches over to grab it, pushing it up against her face and inhaling his familiar, lovely smell.

The tears start again.

This time, they fall silently. There are no sobs coming out of her mouth. Just the tears, falling over and over again, getting her cheeks soaked in mere seconds.

Jesse curls up under the duvet and holds his hoody to her chest, so tightly, imagining that it's him. Imagining that he's here, breathing beside her, holding her close. If she closes her eyes, his smell is all around her, and for a fleeting moment, it could almost feel like he's really here.

But then, once that moment passes, the only thing she sees in her head is Wally: a breech opened behind him, flashing like lightning, pulling him in; breaking him down in to nothing.

Her eyes fly open again, but the darkness of the room is right against her face, like her eyes are closed still, and the images flash before her once more. This time, things she's imagining; Wally in the Speed Force, in pain, fighting against the never-ending eternity of pain and nothingness that surrounds him. The worst part is: this isn't just her imagination. This is _real_. This is what Wally is going through right now. An endless eternity that has him just thinking, just existing, no where to move, nothing else to see.  
Hastily, Jesse rolls over to turn on the bedside light and breaths a sigh of relief as the room comes back in to view again. She curls up against Wally's hoody once more, takes a deep breath, and stares at the picture of the two of them that's sitting on his chest of drawers across the room.

It's a selfie they took a while ago, back when Jesse and her dad were properly on Earth-1, before they left, before the recreation of the particle accelerator explosion; when Jesse and Wally were still just friends. They're smiling goofily at the camera, looking ridiculously happy, and Wally's face is pressed up against the side of hers.

He looks so happy in this photo. So carefree.

And even this is making her think of the pain Wally must be facing.

* * *

Jesse is drifting in and out of dozing, but it's probably less helpful than not sleeping at all.

She's properly brought to alertness, though, when her phone starts ringing and she Speed-moves across to the table to get it.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Jesse, it's Caitlin," Caitlin's voice says, and she sounds tired. "Sorry, did I wake you?"

Jesse almost laughs. "Um—no, you didn't."

"Good. Um, I'm just calling to let you know that Barry woke up a few minutes ago and he's healed enough to move, so he's going home to rest. We're going to reconvene and make a plan tomorrow once he's completely healed. Does that all sound okay?"

"Uh, yeah, I—thanks for letting me know," running a hand through her hair, Jesse sits up a little more and then rubs at her eyes.

"It's no problem. I'll let you know if anything changes, okay?"

"Thanks, Caitlin."

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah. See you."

When her phone is back on the nightstand, Jesse finds herself yawning.

Wally wouldn't want her to stay up all night worrying about him. But she can't help it. It's all she can seem to do.

Still, she tucks herself back under the covers and closes her eyes; and every time the image of Wally in pain comes up in her head, she pushes it away and replaces the picture with the thought of Wally's smile, with the way he looks at her; with the way he looks when he's running, like nothing can touch him, like he's never been so happy.

Eventually, she drops off to sleep, but it's disturbed and restless.

* * *

Barry goes in to the Speed Force to find Wally, once he's completely healed.

In some ways, everyone feels relieved, because Wally isn't gone forever. And if anyone's going to save him – if anyone knows the ways of the Speed Force – it's Barry. So, to some extent, there is a certain relief behind all of this.

But then, there's the added worry of the fact that _Barry is in the Speed Force now too_.

Things at STAR labs are intense, but there's still the usual sense of comradery and moral support between everyone, and Jesse doesn't know what she'd do without her friends.  
They bring each other coffee, offer each other hugs and reassuring words when they need them, and they always know that they're not alone and they're never going to be alone, whatever happens.

Jesse runs to the rescue a couple of times when there are some petty crimes going on in the city, and she even runs to save people from a fire on one occasion. And it's okay; in fact, it's nice to have the distraction, even if running when Wally isn't here feels strange.

Three days pass. Jesse wears Wally's hoody everywhere, when she's not wearing her suit. She even dons one of his leather jackets at one point, and the weight of it is strangely comforting.  
She sleeps - or rather, _tries_ to sleep - in his bed, hugs his sweatshirts or his pillow, and every night that passes is another night where his smell fades just a little more. By now, only the bed sheets smell like him, but there's always that fear that it's going to fade by the time morning comes around.

Sometimes, Jesse hears Joe up and about in the middle of the night; just wandering aimlessly, insomnia deeply set in, pacing around the halls. Jesse doesn't blame him. She'd be doing the same if she wasn't busy sobbing quietly to herself.

Wally. Wally. _Wally_.

He's not here. She can't feel his Speed aura. Can't hear him breathing. Every minute, the truth of his absence hits home again, and every time it hurts just the same. He's not here, and he's in pain. He's in pain, and there's nothing she can to do take it away. All that's left to do is wait. Wait and worry. Wait and _hope_ that somehow, someway, Wally will come home again, and he'll be okay. He'll be safe, and his pain will end.

* * *

Jesse is in the kitchen of Joe's house, home alone and making a coffee, when her phone rings.

"Hello?" She asks, answering it in a split second.

It's Caitlin. "Jesse, it's Barry and Wally, they're—"

Jesse has no idea what the end of Caitlin's sentence is – whether it's good or bad – but she's Speeding off anyway, running what feels like faster than she's ever run before, towards STAR labs.

She's there in an instant, zooming in to the cortex. Caitlin, Cisco and Joe are in there, looking ready to head down to the breech room at any moment. Caitlin's phone is still in her hand; Jesse ran over here _so_ fast.

"What's going on?"

Caitlin smiles, and says, "they're back."

Everything slows down around Jesse, then. What must be a split second for the other three feels like five minutes to Jesse. Tears rise in her eyes, her heart races, and her breath catches in her throat before she stops breathing all together. Her blood is rushing past her ears, heart beating so loudly, and there's a tug on her heart—like she can _feel_ that Wally's here.

He's here. He's _here_.

Is he okay? Is he safe?

She can't believe it. He's _here_.

Before Joe, Caitlin and Cisco can even blink, Jesse has sped off towards the breech room, and she's there in a tiny moment.

She speeds to a halt, and gasps.

Sure enough, Barry and Wally - _Wally, Wally, Wally_ \- are kneeling down on the floor, out of breath, looking extremely exhausted and, frankly, a little dazed. Barry's hand is on Wally's back, but he moves it when Jesse speaks.

"Wally," she whispers, and that's when the tears fall; when her heart actually _hurts_ , but it's the best pain she's ever felt because he's here, he's here, he's safe, and—

In an instant, Jesse is kneeling in front of him, cupping his face in her hands and checking him over, making sure he's not hurt, that he's okay, that he's still himself. He watches her as she checks him, looking kind of out of it, but when she says his name again – a tiny, breathy, tear-choked " _Wally_ ," – Jesse swears there's a hint of a smile twitching at the corners of his lips.

"Wally," she says again, like it's the only word she knows. She's gasping for air, much like Wally and his heavy breathing.

And then she pulls him in, holds him against her; wraps her arms around him and holds him so tight, cupping the back of his head with her hand. "Wally, Wally, _Wally_ ," she's sobbing now, breathing him in, feeling his electricity burn against her skin like she knows so well. "Are you okay? Are you okay?" Her voice is frantic and barely-there.

Wally just hugs her back – slowly, like he's been sedated – but he holds her so tightly, runs a gloved hand through her hair, and presses his face in to her neck.

"Wally, it's me, I'm here, you're okay," she whispers. "You're okay. I've got you. I'm not letting you go again."

Wally's breathing slows, and Jesse swears she feels his lips press to her neck.

Pulling away just a little bit, Jesse kisses Wally's cheek, then his forehead, then his eyelids, then the wound just above his eyebrow. She doesn't kiss his lips just yet, because he still looks kind of dazed and she doesn't want to overwhelm him; but there's time for that.

For the first time in what feels like an entire decade, their eyes meet.

His eyes are still the same as always. So gentle, so kind, so warm. She could spend an eternity looking in to them.

Her hands cup his cheeks; thumbs smoothing his cheekbones.

"I thought I lost you," she whispers. And then again; voice breaking with a fresh wave of tears. "I thought I lost you."

And a tear falls down Wally's cheek before they're hugging again, and Jesse finds herself bubbling with a little laugh; feeling relief and concern and _love_ flow through her all in an instant.

Caitlin checks over Wally and Barry straight away. Barry is okay, just a couple of cuts and bruises here and there. Wally has a cut above his eyebrow and some grazes on his hands, and Caitlin has to ask Jesse to step away for a second while she cleans the grazes, because Jesse hasn't been willing let go of Wally's hand.

When Wally has the all clear that he's okay – just a little over-exhausted and in a mild state of shock – Jesse climbs on to the bed beside him and curls in to his chest, pressing her head against his neck.

"Wally," she whispers, closing her eyes.

And then, for the first time since returning, Wally speaks. His voice is raspy and low, and he only says one word. "Jesse…,"

Him saying her name alone makes Jesse start to cry again. "It's okay, I've got you," she whispers, half to reassure him and half to reassure herself, "I've got you."

* * *

Later that night, once Wally has showered and eaten, Jesse makes the bed for him with fresh sheets, puts some fresh sweatpants for him to sleep in beside the bathroom door, and waits for him in his room as he comes out of the bathroom. Sure enough, he's just wearing those sweats.

He's much less lethargic now, and a lot more present. Jesse doesn't think she's ever felt this happy.

She's sitting on the edge of his bed, offering a smile. "Hey, you," she wants to say more, wants to say so much more, but there's not nearly enough time.

"Hey," he smiles, and her heart glows.

There's a moment where they're just staring at each other, looking in to each other's eyes like it's the last time they ever will. Or maybe like it's the first time they ever have.

Jesse breathes. Wally breathes.

He _breathes._

"Come here," she says eventually, and Wally looks grateful, walking over and then kneeling down in front of her so their heads are almost at the same level (he's still taller than her, even like this).

His hand comes out, the backs of his fingers gently stroking down her face. And then they're wrapping their arms around each other again. Jesse finds herself sighing, so deeply, so relieved and happy. He's so warm, so familiar. He's _here_.

"Jesse," he whispers. Presses his face in to her neck and holds her so tightly against him.

Jesse closes her eyes and breathes deeply, chest pressed against his, hand cradling the back of his head. She no longer has to imagine that he's here – no longer has to imagine that he's safe – because he truly is now. She doesn't need to imagine.

"I thought I lost you," she says again.

Wally nods. Presses a kiss to her neck. "So did I," he whispers. "So did I."

And he's crying again. And Jesse just wants to take all the pain away. "I'm here," she whispers, "I'm here, Wally. You're okay. You're okay."

"I'm okay. I'm okay."

Jesse nods. Holds him even tighter.

Long, peaceful minutes later, Jesse pulls back and looks at him; softly wiping the tears from his cheeks, pressing her forehead against his. He holds her arms as she holds his face, and runs his hands up and down her skin just a little, as a comfort to both of them.

And then he leans in to peck her on the lips. She smiles softly when he pulls away, so he does it again.  
And again, and again, and again.

Soon their lips are open against each other's, moving together slowly and carefully, trying to savour each and every moment. Wally moves his hands back in to her hair and cradles the back of her head, fingers tangled in her locks as they kiss. He's so warm and familiar against her. Jesse just wants to drown in him. To do this forever; to be this close to him for the rest of her days.

Wally starts slowly standing up, tilting Jesse's head with him as he goes so they can keep kissing. And then she's moving backwards on the bed towards the pillows, eyes locked on his as he slowly crawls with her, hovering above her. He captures her lips in another kiss once she's half lying down, upper back pressed against the headboard with Wally holding himself up above her.

She runs her hands over his still-damp hair and pulls him in closer with a hand at the back of his neck. Wally uses the hand that's not holding himself up to trace her cheeks with his fingers, moving them down to dance over her neck and then play with her hair, running through it from the roots to the ends.

Jesse has never felt so warm; so safe and relieved and so _wanted_.

They kiss, and they kiss, and they kiss; until Jesse feels tears start to wet her cheeks again – a mixture of both her and Wally's tears – and she pulls away to kiss his away. Hoping that, in her movements, Wally can hear her say _I'm here_.

They both know that at some point Wally is going to tell Jesse about what happened in the Speed Force. And that's okay. She wants to listen. Wants him to know that she's here for him; that he can tell her anything.

But for now, they just wordlessly curl up together under his covers, and Jesse isn't afraid of the dark anymore, because when she closes her eyes, Wally is right there beside her and she can hear him breathing and feel his warm electricity radiating off of him.

Wally lays on his back and Jesse shuffles up beside him; resting her head on his chest, an arm over his stomach. Wally holds her in close, nose pressed against her hair.

And she says it again. "I thought I lost you, Wally. I—I was so scared. I—I never want you to be in pain. I…can't even begin to imagine.… Wally, I'm…,"

"I know," he whispers, and she doesn't have to say any more. "I know."

* * *

 **A/N:** _heyo! i literally wrote this in like 2 hours it's probably terrible :') but i reaaaally wanted to get it up before 3x16. I know I'm cutting it fine, lmao, but still :P I've proof-read it only once but I wanted to get this up, so I apologise for any initial mistakes!_  
 _I hope you enjoyed! comments are always so appreciated :)_

 _Love :* xxx_


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